I should be sponsored by Trojan
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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