I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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