party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
