They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
