I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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