I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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