You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
