Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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