its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
