Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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