His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
