maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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