I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
