Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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