If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
