Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
