you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
