Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
