Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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