Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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