Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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