I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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