I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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