I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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