I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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