im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
