What did we do last night that was yellow?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
