At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
