she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
