So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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