Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
