you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
