Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
