dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
