and you said cock pushups were impossible
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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