haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
