Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
