whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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