Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
