You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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