you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
