i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
