So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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