I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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