Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
