At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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