Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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