Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
