Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
