I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
